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Red Dragon Bedding

August 23rd, 2010 admin Leave a comment Go to comments

Read and or rate my bad poem?!?!?! tips on improvement?!?!?:]?

yes it stinks very very bad like im not even kidding it’s really really bad so if you wanna say how bad it is feel free. But at the same time i would like to know how to improve it and make it better. so also feel free to rate it from 1-10. It’s supposed to be like and invitation poem

Get up from bed, Enjoy the red, fiery dragon above
I look outside, my head up high, the sun prancing as it stops by
Get up from bed, Silly lazy head, let’s go and observe
The smell of flowers, along with the hours, glides upon my nose
The chatters and chirping, that all is alluring, performs the early shows
Come out and play, Come out and play, it’s the jump-start of a new day
We’ll sit on the mist grass, as time starts to dash, the sun and the sky mates
Get up from bed, Come sing instead, Hurry, don’t be late.
p.s if my vocabulary isn’t good don’t mind me im 12…. haha:)

Well first, try to be more confident. When you tell someone something is awful, they will go into it thinking, “this will be awful” and then it will seem awful, even if it isn’t really.

And yours isn’t. It’s a good little poem. Here’s a silly variation on it that came to me when I read it. See what you think. It basically uses the same lines but throws in a couple new ones as well and changes the organization.

Out of bed
Up above
Fiery red
Dragon of love

Look outside
Head up high
Sun is prancing
In the dancing sky
Stopping by
Wondering why
A girl like I
Is yawning stretching

Up from bed
Silly, lazy head
The smell of flowers
Fills the hours
Kills the showers
Of pain and doubt
And wakes the voice
To sing and shout

Gliding upon my nose
The perfumed rose
Stretches and shows
That all is alluring
Chatters and chirping
Birds and bees
Flowers and trees
Come and play
Listen to day
It welcomes you

Misty grass
Time will last
Until the sun goes down again